Sent to you by donellfactory via Google Reader:
Hello Bossip fam, lol. I have a problem with a man that I'm dating and I know I'm probably making it a bigger issue than it is. I was married through out my 20′s and been divorced for four years now. Anywho I've been dating this guy for about 6 or 7 months now and he's 3 years younger than me which isn't a huge difference but it's enough to make me wonder. Of course he knows why me and me ex-husband divorced and it was because I found evidence of his cheating in his cell phone and it was all I needed to confirm that I wasn't crazy and that a divorce was in order. The guy I'm seeing now obviously took that and ran with it and now he hordes his phone and granted I told him that if it's near me I will snoop through it. I believe I meant it as a joke but the more he hides it, it makes me want to go through it! We're just dating without a real exclusive commitment so it' snot like I would be justified in being mad at what I find but it really makes me wonder. He won't even bring the phone in the same room when he stays over or he'll leave it in the car when we go out. At first I thought it was endearing but now I'm getting suspicious. Should I find a way to get to it or should I leave well enough alone?
Good day, sis, thank you for writing in and sharing your story! So, you're paranoid by the absence of a cellular device when you're with the man you're currently dating? Why? If there is no real exclusivity clause in your relationship thus far, then why are you sweating his phone? If he's not worried about his phone ringing when he's with you, why are you concerned? He could very well be making a conscious effort to remain courteous, so don't make a stink about it! And the fact that you've already disclosed to him why your marriage ended and that you will not hesitate to go through one's phone, can you blame him? He's still entitled to his privacy, Ma! It's too early in the game for you to be going through the man's phone!
If he's given you no reason to be concerned with his movements, then don't sweat it! If he leaves his phone in the car or in another room, who cares? If his attention is devoted to you when you all are together, soak it up! If the communication between the two of you is on point, who cares about a cell phone? He might just want to get to know you without the drama of the "who, what, where when,why and how" line of questioning. A man who's up to speed on technology knows, through experience or otherwise, that a cell phone can cause a major headache and disturb an otherwise good flow between two people, so they do their best to avoid it. On the other hand, trust your instincts! A woman's intuition seldom fails her and if you have a gut feeling he's playing games, you might be right! So do all you need to do to protect yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. If it takes you falling back and taking some space, do it. If you need to initiate an open and honest conversation between the two of you and gauge your movements based upon the results of said conversation, do it … without apology!
Here's the deal, Ma! We all have baggage but what you can't do is make the mistake of taking all anger and mistrust from your marriage into a new relationship. It's just unfair and, in the grand scheme of the things, unattractive. So, you should definitely decide whether it's his actions that have you suspicious or if it's your past coming back to haunt you. If you need to take time, take it, sis! But by all means, don't push a potentially promising man away from your life because you can't let go of the past! Be smart and make smart moves too, sis! Good luck to you!
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